How to Catch Your Man?

First, it has been a while since I have seriously posted anything here. No, I am not lazy :)...I have been very busy. I am getting ready to direct a short film and all of my attention has been there. So, I apologize for my absence. But in the time that I have been gone several things have happened involving men. Two weeks ago I was asked out by four different men! This is exciting, or I shall say WAS exciting, because since then these men have become very uninteresting.


While this is happening a friend of mine had become interested in a man at her job and I had become interested in a man that I met while running errands. Neither man had asked either one of us out. But both had initiated some sort of contact of interest.


But when it comes down to getting to know these men better, my friend and I have different perspectives on how to catch a man. I believe in ignoring a man. By this I mean letting them initiate all or most of the contact. Then you can flirt and charm them with your feminine wiles. But only once they have started some sort of conversation. This is what has worked for me. Of course, there are rules to this kind of thinking.


First, you HAVE to look YOUR BEST. I don't mean what you think is good. I mean looking your, honest with yourself, no excuses, a man would agree with you, best. I don't mean looking trashy. By doing this you will attract a man, but for all of the wrong reasons, and I am sure most of you know this. My friend, however, believes in actively flirting with a man. She believes in finding reasons to go and talk to him. She also finds topics to bring to his attention, smiling, and laughing at his jokes. I don't mind the smiling and laughing, but to me the rest is just too much work! Shouldn't a man be trying to figure out reasons to come and talk to you?


Sometimes I feel like there are not many men out there who are willing to put in the work that is necessary to woo a woman. However, I still expect to be treated like a lady. So many of our men want us, but don't feel like they should have to put in the work to get us. Do not let this detour you! Look your best, non-verbally demand respect, and I believe decent men from all backgrounds will come to treat you with love and respect.

Most women give themselves excuses about why they do not look their best. Lack of money is no excuse. The lack of money reason simply means lack of creativity. Hit up thrift stores; learn to do your own hair, trade clothes with friends.
Once you are honest with yourself, by this I mean looking at yourself objectively, as if someone else was looking at you, then you can move forward and begin to actively look your best. After that, ignore the men. Not in an angry way, but in a happy, busy, fulfilled way.


To be honest I have a hard time looking happy because I am usually to busy ignoring, but practice will make perfect for me. Be happy! And I think the men will come to you. But what do you think? Should a woman actively flirt with a man, whom I take as actively pursing, or should she kick back and let him come to her? I tried the actively flirting thing recently, and FOR ME, it did not work. I am going back to my old ways. They have worked for me in the past. I will be updating this story with my friend and I. Let's see if we can catch our men.

For the Time Being...

Babies Out of Wedlock

One day when a cousin and I were sitting around talking and laughing about old times she suddenly became very quiet and turned to me seriously with tears in her eyes.

She began to talk about the father of her oldest son. She told me she was disappointed in him and couldn’t believe that someone who once always wanted to be with her and told her that he loved would now ignore their child and leave her to constantly explain to their son why he could not be around. This, of course, is something that she herself didn’t know and if she doesn’t know why her son’s dad doesn’t want to be around how is she supposed explain it to a six year old who only wants to see his daddy. She just could not understand how someone she had spent so many passionate years with could just leave her without providing emotional, financial, or physical support for their son.

Unfortunately, this is a situation many Black women find themselves in.

Over the years I have had many conversations with Black women about this and most of them said the same things or something very similar; "Men nowadays don't want to get married," and "It doesn't matter because I love my children and take care of them."

But who will take care of you? When women are married they (usually) receive emotional and financial support from their husbands and are able to provide the same in return.

I believe that many uneducated and sometimes educated Black women feel like no one wants to marry them. It becomes a lack of confidence thing and they accept whatever morsels someone is willing to give them.

I have met many men that are proud of their children. And not so proud of the women they had them with. These men are willing to be proud of the children but not as willing to be an equal source of financial and emotional support for them, leaving it all up to the woman.

Not to long ago I was reading an article about 50 Cent and his baby mama in court. She was suing him for half of what he was worth because she says that while she was pregnant he promised her that he would support her for life. Keep in mind this is while he was living off of her and they were both struggling. 50 Cent reportedly told the judge that he never told her any of this and that she was not entitled to half of anything because she was not his wife. He said that if he wanted to care for her for life then he would have married her and since he did not this was never his intention. Needless to say, 50’s baby’s mama did not win the case. But his words struck me.

How many women feel like they are in love and because of this mutual love they don’t need the benefit of marriage? Don’t be fooled ladies! You are willing to accept less than what you deserve because you are in love. But he is not ready to commit. A man who is not ready to commit is mostly likely also not going to be ready to handle the responsibilities of a child. This won’t change just because you have one. The more children you have the harder it is to find someone to marry. I did not say impossible, just harder.

But why do that to yourself anyway? Why open your body and heart to a man who is not even willing to make a solid commitment? Sure some men marry the women they have children with, but most don’t. Why take that chance? You and your future children deserve someone who knows where they want to be. You deserve someone who loves you so much that the thought of another man sweeping you away makes him sick to his stomach. He would do almost anything to have you by his side and wants to join you for life. He wants to marry you. And then love and support the children you have TOGETHER.

What it is like...

...to be a dark skin girl...

Is to be undervalued and continually used,

For advice
For love
For guidance
For support

As a darker skinned woman I am constantly the giver of advice and the giver of support.

I am rarely the receiver of compliments, especially from the Black Community. Almost every compliment I have ever received has been from a person from a different country or from a different race.

While it is true I am not one to dress up, when I do, I get attention. The problem here is that I am not recognized for the natural way I look. I know that if I was of a lighter complexion or a different race this would not be the case. Unfortunately, this is true for all Black women. When I am natural, the compliments I get are NEVER from any Black person.

While I do receive support, I am often expected to be a STRONG BLACK WOMEN; I am expected to take care of everything and everyone and not expect a thing in return.
I am not expected to be a person of confidence. I have had several instances, a few recently, in which a person (usually Black) has expected me to feel bad about myself. This is not the case.

At one point in my life I was not completely confident, but it was a friend (white woman) who constantly complimented me until I felt utter confidence in myself. I will always be grateful to her for this.

Sometimes as a dark skinned woman it feels as if I am hated by my own community. But that is okay. Because 2009 is all about us. :) Love yourself. To do this you need to make decisions that uplift you and the people around you. You need to exclude the things or people around you that make you feel lesser than you should.

Grab the world, take your dreams, and get out there to make them true.

Why The Blacker the Berry is Needed

This is a Blog that is NEEDED! Dark skinned Black women are beautiful. We all know this but sometimes need to be reminded. I will not dis lighter skinned women, but the beauty of a brown skinned mahogany sister is always underrated. THAT WILL END HERE! So come enjoy and embrace the beauty of THE BLACKER THE BERRY.

Dark skinned women come here and inhale the classy, tasteful, appreciation of your beauty. If there is anything you want to see let me know. This blog is here to uplift, represent, and talk about black women and relationships.

Michelle Obama of course, the embodiment of elegance, class, and grace under presure.