That One...

We all have That One,
That One person who we desperately want
Who just doesn’t seem to want us,
As bad as we want them.

My One is tall, dark, and Kenyan.
He is not very good looking,
In fact he looks like one of the hyenas from the Lion King…
He’s prone to weight gain,
And is very sensitive about the whole weight subject altogether.

But I loved him, all of him, completely.

He had the crookest smile
That somehow reminded me of sinister thoughts.
And had one of the smartest, active, minds that I had seen in quite a while.

He was the first man I ever dated to compliment my mind,
Have intellectual discussions with me, and
Notice when I was tired, without me having to say it.

And he was able to give me an orgasm in two minutes. TWO MINUTES!!!
Yes, oh yes, I loved him. All of him, completely.

Then one day he broke my heart. He didn’t do it all at once, but step by step, little by little, until my heart was full of cracks. Then that one faithful day, he tapped it, without really meaning to… And I shattered.

My outside still looked solid, but internally I had gone to pieces.

To be honest, at first I hadn’t noticed. There had been so many cracks already that I hadn’t noticed that this wound was different.

I separated from him, cut off all contact, and went on living my life. I felt fine.

Then about a year later, recently, I watched a movie about love, and really living life…
I was so touched that I was finally able to feel all of the pieces of my heart. They were strewn about.

Having finally felt what I had been avoiding for a year, I fell apart. I cried uncontrollably for three hours until I fell asleep.

But still, I loved him, all of him, completely.

There is always that one that we simply can’t have for whatever reason.

But I am starting to think that maybe That One is preparing me for The One. Because That One showed me what I do and don’t want in a relationship. Something that I rarely even considered before.

And now when The One comes I’ll be ready because That One already showed me what it is to play, love, and to lose.

I’ve grown enough to not need That One anymore.

But I haven’t grown enough to be ready to meet The One…
I have to put the pieces of my heart back together first.

The Princess and the Frog...

...Is set in Louisiana during the Jazz Age. So that should be an exciting backdrop.

Disney First Black Princess is a Mahogany Berry. I am so excited that two of our firsts Miss Tiana and Mrs. Obama are dark skin women. I hope this will give brown skin girls more confidence in themselves and show the world that they too are beautiful.

Tiana comes a little late. Seeing that Jasmine was created in 1992, Pocahontas in 1995, and Mulan in 1998. But I think that Disney has put a lot of effort into getting this right. And if they had of attempted this in the 90's they would have gotten it all wrong.

There has been some controversy because the Prince is not Black. Of course, the outrage has been among Black males. The fact that the Prince is not Black does not bother me. It also doesn't faze me that others might be upset.

When people write Michael Jordan, Seal, Quincy Jones, and Sidney Poitier about their relationships then maybe I will be concerned. Until then...

My Ex is a...

Hater! And I told him so. We were together for six years. Six long years. And in that time he never asked me my opinion on anything important. He made decisions that included both of us, and somehow managed to not include me in the decision process. He is poor with money. Really poor. He is deep in debt.

And that is my fault, according to him.

We broke up because I wanted to finish pursing my education. He was shocked. We met at school. So I was confused. He never thought I would finish... he never thought I would finish...
When we broke up, he thought that somehow I would fall apart. That I couldn't make it in this big bad world.

But somehow, I did.

I finished my Bachelors. And am working to eliminate my debt. When I told him this he went crazy. I plan to work all summer, at four different places to get rid of my debt. I plan to sacrifice, but still get sleep of course. Because now is the time to work with people and pay off things. This economy is perfect for it.

HE WENT CRAZY. At first I was shocked. We are friends... aren't we? Why then is he screaming at me? Then I realized it is because he is not happy for me. I can't possibly do better than him in any sphere of my life. He won't hear of it. Because I am not suppose to be better than him at anything.

In his yells, I feel anger. I told him to man up. To fix his own problems because I would no longer allow him to constantly place the blame for the problems in his life on me. It wasn't fair. It isn't fair. I have problems too. He was there when those problems were created. But I don't expect him to fix them. I don't expect anything from him.

In his yells, I want to be better, do better. I want to come out on top. I want to accomplish everything I set out to accomplish. I want to get everything he tried to prevent me from having. And deep down, I know I will. I will.

And when I do, I will smile a deep satisfied smile. Because I overcame myself, to overcome his expectations. Yes, my ex is a hater.

Loving Yourself Unconditionally

Lately I've been thinking about the way I treat myself... a lot.

I expect myself to be perfect. I put so much pressure on myself by stacking up impossible goals to be completed in a ridiculous amount of time. So, I fail. Then I feel horrible about myself. This will be an ongoing post, because there is so much to say about this area.

I've been thinking about my health and how my standards affect my life...


How to Give Unconditional Self-Love

1. Understand that you were given direct control over your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Therefore, you are the only one responsible for your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. No one else is responsible for you and you are not responsible for anyone else.

2. Start treating yourself well right now.

Loving yourself unconditionally means:

* Making your health and happiness a top priority. This means, getting the proper amount of rest. Eating properly: not over exercising and under-eating. Not overeating and under-exercising.

* Loving yourself means taking care of each part of yourself. Including the parts that you don't necessarily care for. Stretch marks, cellulite, and all.

* You have to love the dysfunctional part of yourself by having a better understanding of your limits and failings.

* It means managing your time and resources well. Your resources should reflect the relative importance of each part of yourself or each life area.

* You should create balance in your time and your life so that you can take good care of your body and main interest and needs.

* Spend time and money on activities wisely. Ask...
- How much happiness will I and others get per dollar or per hour spent?

Again this is to be an ongoing post. I plan to write more about self-worth later.

What the HELL!

A long time ago I liked a guy. It seemed that he liked me as well, but was too afraid to make a move. He wanted me to tell him that I liked him. He and his friend asked me many times but I was too shy to give a yes or a no. I felt that he should say how he felt first. Neither one of us made a move, well not sober anyways. And soon I forgot about him. Not literally; we were still friends, but I forgot all about he and I in a relationship. Fast forward about three years and he has a girl friend. I am happy for him, mainly because in all the times that I have known him, he has never been in a relationship.

But suddenly, this man, that could not tell me he liked me before, is very flirty! He wants to see me, sends me poems, and talks about the time when we 'almost hooked up!' What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to see this? I try to ignore him and 'keep it moving' so to speak.

But I can't deny the mental attraction that I have to him. And we are still friends. And I kind of like the flirting... LOL! However, I can't help but to feel like he is playing with me. And the more I resist, the more he tries.

What the hell! What is a girl to do?

Phenomenal Women

A life moment that I am priveledged to have experienced is when I heard Maya Angelou speak at my college. She was so inspirational because she basically came from nothing and created something for herself. She sees the beauty in herself and in others and spreads this concept of self love through her writing. So I decided to post a poem we most likely all know, but sometimes forget to include ourselves in.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.


I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Lets never forget how phenomenal we all are.

Can We Catch Our Men...Update

Apparently, the answer is a resounding NO! The sad part is that at first both techniques seemed to be working. The more I paid my guy no attention the more he found ways to talk to me. My friend sent emails, continued to stop by her guys office for friendly "chats," and flirted whenever she found the opportunity. He seemed friendly enough. He even gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek, major headway she figured.

Then my guy just stopped talking completely, and her guy failed to take anything to the next level. It was his last day at the office and she figured he would bring something up. I figured if he really liked her he would ask for her number, and I told her so. But, alas, she had already made sure that he had it! Argh! Okay, I thought to myself, then at least he would suggest that maybe they get together sometime. Nope.

I basically gave up hope in my guy, as our chats occurred less and less. She, however, kept the faith, only to lose it later, when he never even suggested that they hang out as friends.

So, no, we couldn't catch our men, but do we care? HELL NO! It is simply a matter of moving on to the next man. NEXT!