Please Don't Believe the Hype

I didn't find the segment offensive and just waaayyy off base like I thought I would, but I can't help but think, Black women, please do not believe the hype. There are Black plenty of Black women who are married and happily so. I have seen them, I know them, and you do too.

However, I also know a number of Black women who are unmarried and haven't dated in quite some time. I refuse to believe it is because men that aren't Black don't find Black women attractive. I am a Black woman and men from all ethnicities and backgrounds hit on me all the time. So I personally know that this is not true. There are a few factors that I do believe add to the causing of Black women to remain single. In no specific order...

1. Not knowing how to properly "vet" a man: Before a woman commits herself to a man she has to know certain things about him.

What is important in his life? Does he want to get married? Does he

want kids? Does he have kids? If so how often does he see them? If he

seems vague about becoming serious then you know that he is not the

one for you. You should not be intense, about you’re questioning. Just let

him talk. Listen to what he says. Dating is really a job interview, it is not

really about romance and you should not make it about such. But most

women are looking for "the one." And they are eager and willing to put

someone in the role who doesn't belong there. Then they have spent all this

time dating a man who never had the intentions of giving them what they

wanted in the first place. If you meet a man, "vet" him, if he doesn't add up,

let him go. There are too many men, to get caught up on one.

2. Not dealing with negative experiences and the negative emotions that they have caused.

Trust me when I say that I have been through hell when it comes to the men

I have been with. But I have been through more hell dealing with family

members and family drama. These experiences have left their marks in my

life, but I work at healing the scares, dealing with the emotions they have

caused, learning from them and moving on.

I honestly believe that too many Black women don't deal with the negative

things that went on in their own households, things that happen when they

were children, teenagers, or even young adults. I don't know the Black

community to be big on soul searching when it comes to things that could

possibly make family members or even community members look bad. But

we all know that protecting someone who has hurt you does nothing for

healing and inner development.

If you do not deal with the negative things that went on in your household you

are bound to repeat them. Because you will attract people who have the same

wounds and emotionally problems that you have.

3. Sticking with a man who is not right for them for far too long.

I know someone who was in an abusive relationship for thirteen years. The

whole time she was with a man who was beating her behind, there was

more than one man who was interested in her. These men had good jobs,

were kind and knew how to treat a woman. While the man she was with,

was selling drugs to make a living, part of the time, and had her supporting

him the rest of the time. Yet, she was hesitant to leave him. I have also seen

women who were mildly unhappy in their relationships.

While one is extreme and one is minor they both point to women who are too insecure to leave something that is no longer working for them. I think that having a man can

be a huge deal in the Black community. It's like, you can have everything in

the world, but if you don't have a man you are nothing. It makes women

hesitant to leave someone who is not right for them for fear that they will not

find someone else. THIS IS NOT TRUE!!! If you turned your head to the

right, you would probably see five single men.

4. Having children out of wedlock.

This is a sensitive topic. But if you have a bunch of kids it will become more

difficult to meet a man eager to marry you. It's just the truth. Sorry, that is

just the way it is. Not impossible, but it becomes harder. And don't think that

if you have kids with a man that that will keep him there. It is actually the

opposite. If you have kids with him, many men feel like they got you, and

that you aren't going anywhere, so guess what? Then they REALLY don't

feel like they have to lock you down with the ole ball and chain.

5. Not expecting to meet a "good" man.

I have never been attracted to the bad boys. I have always liked the nerd, I

knew that over time they would make more money. But many women are.

Okay, women can have their phase, but eventually they have to learn from

their mistakes and make better choices. But I have honestly seen, women

chose the same type of man over and over again, the bad ones, and then SWEAR

that all men are like that. I've seen women never realize that it's the choices

they make as much as it is the men they find. In the end it all goes back to

Vetting and to attracting the wounds that are in your life. How can you attract

something that you don't expect to find?

6. Having a stank-ass attitude.

Another sensitive topic, LOL, now I know that most Black women are not

"ghetto," attitude bound, neck rolling Sapphires. But, I have seen a large

number of them who just look unpleasant. At my church, there were plenty of

beautiful Black women who just looked mean. They were not inviting at all. I understand this. Sometimes as Black women, we get used to having to be tough. Or give off that aura of being the strong Black woman. There is nothing wrong with being a strong woman.

As Black women we really do have to be strong. But you have to look friendly and inviting. If you want a man to approach you, then look approachable! Smile and look happy, if you are not happy, then maybe you should not be pursuing a relationship. Maybe you should be working on finding and maintaining your own happiness on your own. Without a man, that is what I am working on. Being with God. I know that a man will come later. I know cause I meet them everyday, and become tempted!

There will be a part two so stay tuned.