One day when a cousin and I were sitting around talking and laughing about old times she suddenly became very quiet and turned to me seriously with tears in her eyes.
She began to talk about the father of her oldest son. She told me she was disappointed in him and couldn’t believe that someone who once always wanted to be with her and told her that he loved would now ignore their child and leave her to constantly explain to their son why he could not be around. This, of course, is something that she herself didn’t know and if she doesn’t know why her son’s dad doesn’t want to be around how is she supposed explain it to a six year old who only wants to see his daddy. She just could not understand how someone she had spent so many passionate years with could just leave her without providing emotional, financial, or physical support for their son.
Unfortunately, this is a situation many Black women find themselves in.
Over the years I have had many conversations with Black women about this and most of them said the same things or something very similar; "Men nowadays don't want to get married," and "It doesn't matter because I love my children and take care of them."
But who will take care of you? When women are married they (usually) receive emotional and financial support from their husbands and are able to provide the same in return.
I believe that many uneducated and sometimes educated Black women feel like no one wants to marry them. It becomes a lack of confidence thing and they accept whatever morsels someone is willing to give them.
I have met many men that are proud of their children. And not so proud of the women they had them with. These men are willing to be proud of the children but not as willing to be an equal source of financial and emotional support for them, leaving it all up to the woman.
Not to long ago I was reading an article about 50 Cent and his baby mama in court. She was suing him for half of what he was worth because she says that while she was pregnant he promised her that he would support her for life. Keep in mind this is while he was living off of her and they were both struggling. 50 Cent reportedly told the judge that he never told her any of this and that she was not entitled to half of anything because she was not his wife. He said that if he wanted to care for her for life then he would have married her and since he did not this was never his intention. Needless to say, 50’s baby’s mama did not win the case. But his words struck me.
How many women feel like they are in love and because of this mutual love they don’t need the benefit of marriage? Don’t be fooled ladies! You are willing to accept less than what you deserve because you are in love. But he is not ready to commit. A man who is not ready to commit is mostly likely also not going to be ready to handle the responsibilities of a child. This won’t change just because you have one. The more children you have the harder it is to find someone to marry. I did not say impossible, just harder.
But why do that to yourself anyway? Why open your body and heart to a man who is not even willing to make a solid commitment? Sure some men marry the women they have children with, but most don’t. Why take that chance? You and your future children deserve someone who knows where they want to be. You deserve someone who loves you so much that the thought of another man sweeping you away makes him sick to his stomach. He would do almost anything to have you by his side and wants to join you for life. He wants to marry you. And then love and support the children you have TOGETHER.
Unfortunately, this is a situation many Black women find themselves in.
Over the years I have had many conversations with Black women about this and most of them said the same things or something very similar; "Men nowadays don't want to get married," and "It doesn't matter because I love my children and take care of them."
But who will take care of you? When women are married they (usually) receive emotional and financial support from their husbands and are able to provide the same in return.
I believe that many uneducated and sometimes educated Black women feel like no one wants to marry them. It becomes a lack of confidence thing and they accept whatever morsels someone is willing to give them.
I have met many men that are proud of their children. And not so proud of the women they had them with. These men are willing to be proud of the children but not as willing to be an equal source of financial and emotional support for them, leaving it all up to the woman.
Not to long ago I was reading an article about 50 Cent and his baby mama in court. She was suing him for half of what he was worth because she says that while she was pregnant he promised her that he would support her for life. Keep in mind this is while he was living off of her and they were both struggling. 50 Cent reportedly told the judge that he never told her any of this and that she was not entitled to half of anything because she was not his wife. He said that if he wanted to care for her for life then he would have married her and since he did not this was never his intention. Needless to say, 50’s baby’s mama did not win the case. But his words struck me.
How many women feel like they are in love and because of this mutual love they don’t need the benefit of marriage? Don’t be fooled ladies! You are willing to accept less than what you deserve because you are in love. But he is not ready to commit. A man who is not ready to commit is mostly likely also not going to be ready to handle the responsibilities of a child. This won’t change just because you have one. The more children you have the harder it is to find someone to marry. I did not say impossible, just harder.
But why do that to yourself anyway? Why open your body and heart to a man who is not even willing to make a solid commitment? Sure some men marry the women they have children with, but most don’t. Why take that chance? You and your future children deserve someone who knows where they want to be. You deserve someone who loves you so much that the thought of another man sweeping you away makes him sick to his stomach. He would do almost anything to have you by his side and wants to join you for life. He wants to marry you. And then love and support the children you have TOGETHER.
I totally agree with this post. I know of too many women raising children alone, and I'm a product of a single parent home, so I know what it feels like.
ReplyDeleteIt would be very hard for me to bring a child into this world alone because I not only know that it takes two to raise the child properly in every aspect, but also because parenting shouldn't be done alone.
It's so important that BW know that, although many BM may not want to commit to marrying them and helping to raise the children they make, there are non-BM who will love them enough to make a marriage commitment and even help raise their children.
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