Please Don't Believe the Hype: Part 2

So the clip from ABC News has made the rounds. Everyone has weighed in and of course has an opinion. I even talked to a few Black men about it. The conversations I had and their thoughts I will post in a part three. Anyway, loving blogs as I do, I found a bunch of comments on www.theybf.com.



A blog that I had forgotten all about. I have to say that I am proud of most of the comments from the Black women in particular. I don't think that you should ever lower your standards. I do however, think that women need to make sure that their standards are relevant. I have a friend who almost refuses to date a man who is under 6'0. I don't agree with this.

We have gotten into some pretty serious arguments because of this. I don't necessarily think height is relevant, but I am 5'4 and she is 5'10, so there you go. We are both college educated but, I find it unlikely that I would marry a man who is not college educated, while this is not an issue for her. I think the main thing that is relevant for a woman to remember is that, don't stay with a man who shows no signs of wanting a commitment. And don't go having kids without the benefit of marriage. In my opinion these two things equal purgatory for Black women. Here are the comments I found on the YBF:

There’s nothing wrong with having high standards. These men really need to step THEIR game up. With the selection being so slim, they should want to be their very best anyway. But unfortunately, there have been so many women who are willing to settle for whatever, men are starting to think we’re all that way…

If black women find it to be such a scarcity of black men, and are out numbered here in the States, then they should DEFINATELY consider traveling to other countries (i.e. Carribean, Africa, Brazile, etc) to find black men. Surely there is enought to go around that way! There, we all win, and the black population continues to grow strong and not die off …as it was planned and systematically designed to …but some of yall won’t even get that last part I said …


If the women that are settling for whatever would raise their standards, the men would as well… With that being said, a lot of the women with low standards have ruined it for themselves and the other women out there, and there are going to be a lot of single, lonely Black women unless they start branching out to other races… Also, from watching that Tough Love show, some women have completely unrealistic standards, making lists of the perfect man and what not… Even in the video the woman was like she wants a man that’s 6′5″… Come on now, having those type of qualifications will leave you an old maid with a thousand cats no matter how “successful” you think you are…

I think there are a lot of available Black men out there, and Steve is right….a lot of them are overlooked. The same goes for Black women. I have lowered some of my standards as I’ve grown, but most of those were materialistic things. I’ve changed since then, so my standards aren’t lowered….just a bit relaxed.The video is a good one. Someone just emailed it to me just 30 min ago. The numbers are discouraging, but I’m not giving up hope!!

I can’t lower my standards. I would rather stick it by myself (no pun intended) then to degrade the values that I think my partner should uphold. Marriage is not a priority of mine but companionship is. Why should I denounce my standards for the opposite sex just to fill a mold and most likely end up unhappy in the long run….no thanks. Like I said to the gentleman that I am dating right now, you will never find what you want in a mate but you will find what you need.

I see nothing wrong with having standards. I personally had to find a man who met every criteria on my list, INCLUDING him being black and tall. But honestly after watching the movie, Something New, the one thing i changed was his race. Now I am married to a tall successful white man who treats me right, we have fun, we have great chemistry and he is someone who I can grow old with and the sex…wooowhee. Interestingly enough, he was there the entire time. All those years of me making mistake after mistake with Mr. Wrong. The pickings are slim in the black man Market so I hopped on over the fence and I think it was the greatest decision that i have made.

We have to stop believing these contrived interviews from a small segment of our population. WE ARE NOT A MONOLITH. They (the powers that be) want to stick Blacks with all sorts of pathologies. This video above exemplifies another example of pinning Black People with a pathology: Black Women are unable to marry because our men are sub standard and/or we are too picky. Recognize PLEASE that we as a race are always pegged as sick, lacking, poor, uneducated, AIDS and other STD ridden, and now, unable to marry. Don’t fall for the consistent message, subliminal and otherwise, that Blacks are lacking in all ways. It can lead to self hate. Fight this message and all others that say WE CANT because it is not true.


I feel where these ladies are coming from forrreaaall. and they all look good. if u work ur butt off to get educated and be the best woman u can be its only fitting that she find a man that has done the same. i know that after i graduate med school my pickings will be slim and i refuse to settle…thats how i feel now at 22. at 30 i might have to compromise a bit but i feel like ive worked sooooo hard to get to where i am AND I DAMN SURE AINT GONNA LET NO SCRUB ASS PLAYA WITH A GANG OF BABY MOMMAS GET WIT ME. AND IF I HAVE TO SPEND MY LIFE BY MYSELF SO BE IT.


please stop the madness for 2010, this is maybe the tenth article of black women not being married. Black people focus on your relationships and stop believing the white man lies .


Oh cooome ON. Seriously. Please stop with the “Black women have TOO high of standards to find a man” mumbo jumbo. A woman wanting an educated, financially stable, considerate, god-fearing man is NOT too much to ask for. It just IS, when it is coming from a black woman….because, oh…the pool is too small since black men do not nearly qualify in the categories previously mentioned as say….other races. Should WE have to settle for whatever and whomever just because our selection is too small?? Hecks no! We worked hard to better ourselves, why the fruitsnacks shouldn’t YOU? I know for dern sure I’m not gonnna settle for just any Tom, Dick or Harry because the selection is small and a biological clock is a tickin’. Forget that, I’ll find me a Pablo or Escobar…a black man does NOT make a black woman whole.

Saw this somewhere else. I think we need to expand our dating pool to include non-black men. I know it’s easy said that done for a lot of reasons. But, agree with Tasha, don’t lower standards…esp. the standard of how you expect to be treated!!

Anyway, I side-eye Steve Harvey’s solution of dating older men. How appropriate for him? I’m not dating any dirty old man whose ass should be married and putting kids through college..ewwww

I understand what the ladies in the video are saying, Im a 28 year old black women and I find that it is hard to met a good black man at least a good black man that wants to settle down, it’s dame near impossible. I think black women need to consider going out side thier race dont limit youself to just black men, if you do you will find yourself very single. I have became more open to dating outside of my race and ladies its one of the best moves I ever made.

I have to say that there are no guarantees in life. Even if there were more black men available, that wouldn’t necessarily mean that, you would find the “one”. I don’t believe that any woman should limit themselves in terms of the race that they date. Black men, unfortunately, are in VERY HIGH DEMAND. I know white, Latino and Asian women that ONLY date black men, so it’s no surprise that there are black women that feel the same way.

I have a VERY wonderful (bi-racial) man in my life now after ending a HORRIBLE marriage. I believe that he’s perfect for me. But, I had nothing to do with finding him. He came to me – so I can’t take any credit. I’m just very, very grateful.

I don’t think that women should ever lower her standards. But, they should examine them. One poster mentioned “relaxing” her standards concerning material things – which is a great idea. You can build a great financial life with the right partner.

Money does not make a good man!!! But a kind, affectionate, honest, loyal, hard-working, protective, compassionate, considerate, loving, self-assured, self-aware, ambitious and responsible man is a good man.

To my single sisters, don’t gif up. Keep your (non-materialistic) standards HIGH and don’t settle. I hope that you all find the love that you deserve in 2010.

**SIGH*** I see a lot of married couples around me and I see problems but I also see SOLUTIONS. Which is what leads me to believe that we are marriage material and these numbers are straight BULLCRAP! Please with this mess already. White, Asian, Indian, and other ethnic women have the SAME IF NOT HIGHER EXPECTATIONS of their men but is it the topic of a damn discussion?! NO.

Black Women, we are just as good and we will be blessed with Just as good as long as we stop settling for the role of the baby mama, sidepiece or just being desperate. If you allow a man to walk all over you and have him essentially “Not buy the cow because the MILK IS FREE” then we wouldn’t be laden with this issue. Too many people look as marriage as a joke, something like a piece of paper but its so much more than that. So many times have I viewed other posts and so many women say “Marriage isn’t that serious, its just a piece of paper.If we are living fine unmarried then its just as good”. YEAH SO THAT IS WHERE THE PROBLEM IS FOLKS! So many women as well as men have been brainwashed to think that Marriage is nothing but a death sentence. Yeah you have your failed ones but lets be real, did you really pray to God about your partner before you got hitched to him? I’m not gonna push anything on anyone but I am single and not because I can’t find anyone but because I am letting God lead me to the right ONE! No bums, losers, or wannabes. No thank you.

Also, Black Men need to step up and teach their sons the true value of a woman and stop allowing our women to do it their damn selves. That’s why marriage is the forbidden word in so many of their vocabularies

. They have never seen it, or if they have its been dripped with so much disdain that they want no part of it.