I'm Back! And still having problems posting... :)

I didn't have the internet in my home for six months. But it helped me to get past my internet addiction...kind of. I'm back with a semi-new perspective, due to my new Christian status, and am eager to share my opinions and experiences.


I am new to blogging so bare with me. I am also very excited about 2010, and the new adventures and experiences that it brings. I still want to fill dark-skinned Black women with pride and remind them that they are beautiful. This is the point of this blog.

Of course, I expect to get off course when something outrages me and I just have to write about it. Oh and I saw The Princess and the Frog and I was not pleased! The thing that I think bothered me most was that many Black people were unfazed like "at least they gave us something." I hate to be nerdy but, that is stinkin thinkin. I want the best and I want equal treatment and I will not accept the scraps that are given to me with a happy face. Disney is making millions off of this film... I will save the rest for a post. The point is that I'm back and ready to share and have people share with me.

Jennifer Hudson in Elle magazine

Jennifer Hudson is in July's Elle Magazine and this is the best I've ever seen her.

The photographer really did a good job capturing her beauty. Usually, when I see her in an editorial she looks horrible.

She usually looks awkward to me. I find it disappointing because I know that she is a beautiful girl.

But she looks great here! I have to give props to Elle because they showed many Black women in this month’s magazine. Not just the usually White girls. Maybe J-Hud is feeling more comfortable in front of the camera. Whatever it is she needs to keep it up!

Hating Ass Black Women

I hate it when I look at a sister and she looks at me like she could kill me. I HATE IT!!!!!!! But it happens so often that I really don't know what to do about it. I usually smile. Once that almost got me into a fight. And I had to set that sister STRAIGHT! I let her know that it was sad that she had so little love in her life that she would mistake a smile from someone as someone laughing at her.

And that it was not my problem if she thought so little of herself, that someone could not smile at her, they had to be laughing. She seemed shocked; partially I know it was because I was PISSED!

But it has happened so often to me.

Recently I was chatting with a man who is trying to court me, more on that later, when two black women, one light skinned and one dark drove up. Clearly they both thought that I was not cute, because the light one sits and waits for the guy to look at her. By that I mean, watch her with his eyes. He does not take the bait. She waits, he does nothing. Her friend gets out of the car and does whatever it is she has to do.

This girl gets out of the car and stands there! Waiting! He still will not look at her. She walks past us, he still does not look. She begins to stretch. At this point I am uncomfortable. She gets back in her car and looks at him. He then briefly looks at her. Her friend struts by, expecting to get some play. Still they get nothing. They look at each other and finally leave.

Once I was with my man of three years, yes I was looking a mess; we had finished a morning full of quality time and just wanted breakfast. Any who, I walk in with my man and these women, all black, turn and laugh out loud at me! I was so embarrassed. So was my man and so was our server.

I honestly believe these women did this because I had a man, and they probably didn't. Or they did but not one that treated them well.

This behavior is ridiculous! When I see one black woman attacking another woman, she is usually black. Where is the comradery? Where is the love?
I know that I am tired of this shit. Come on! We get so little love and support from the world the least we could do is support each other! God.

You Talk About a Good Man But...

We have all heard this one, “You talk about needing a good man, but when you get one you don’t know how to treat him.” I have found this to be true. I have heard so many women say, “He’s too nice,” when a man acts gentlemanly towards them. I have seen women take advantage of a man, when he is willing to do for her. Usually because she thinks he’s a sucker!

I personally have treated a good man like shit, and loved a bad man with reckless abandon. But we say we want a good man. Deep down I know what a woman means when she says “He’s too nice.”
It means: She wants a leader, not a follower.
A man who is bold and strong enough to
Protect her from harm. A man who will stand
Up to her and tell her when she is wrong.
A quintessial Alpha male.

But I think that somewhere along the line we as Black Women began to accept the extreme.
A man who is cold.
A man who is violent.
A man who refuses to listen.
A man who is stubborn to reason.

Somewhere along the line did we forget that we are women? I don’t care what any woman says. A woman needs a man.

To hold her. To caress her. To kiss her.
To tell her she is beautiful.
To support her emotionally when times are tough.
To help her financially when she falls down.
To aid her mentally when she is too tired
to think for herself.

A man, a true man, will do all of these things with integrity and will not try to take advantage of you. Most “Nice Guys” will do this for you. I don’t know, maybe if we treat the “Nice Guys” like the “Alpha Males” they will step up and be both.

Keke Palmer

Keke Palmer has been on the scene since 2004 when she appeared in Barbershop 2: Back in Business. Since then she has gone on to star in Akeelah and the Bee, a movie that I absolutely love, The Longshots, and plays the title character on Nickelodeon's True Jackson.

I believe that she is steadily building up a strong career for herself. I believe that we will see many good things from her in the future and I honestly hope that opportunities will continually present themselves. Obliviously, I wish Ms. Palmer the best in her career.

Oh, and by the way, she's only fifteen.

That One...

We all have That One,
That One person who we desperately want
Who just doesn’t seem to want us,
As bad as we want them.

My One is tall, dark, and Kenyan.
He is not very good looking,
In fact he looks like one of the hyenas from the Lion King…
He’s prone to weight gain,
And is very sensitive about the whole weight subject altogether.

But I loved him, all of him, completely.

He had the crookest smile
That somehow reminded me of sinister thoughts.
And had one of the smartest, active, minds that I had seen in quite a while.

He was the first man I ever dated to compliment my mind,
Have intellectual discussions with me, and
Notice when I was tired, without me having to say it.

And he was able to give me an orgasm in two minutes. TWO MINUTES!!!
Yes, oh yes, I loved him. All of him, completely.

Then one day he broke my heart. He didn’t do it all at once, but step by step, little by little, until my heart was full of cracks. Then that one faithful day, he tapped it, without really meaning to… And I shattered.

My outside still looked solid, but internally I had gone to pieces.

To be honest, at first I hadn’t noticed. There had been so many cracks already that I hadn’t noticed that this wound was different.

I separated from him, cut off all contact, and went on living my life. I felt fine.

Then about a year later, recently, I watched a movie about love, and really living life…
I was so touched that I was finally able to feel all of the pieces of my heart. They were strewn about.

Having finally felt what I had been avoiding for a year, I fell apart. I cried uncontrollably for three hours until I fell asleep.

But still, I loved him, all of him, completely.

There is always that one that we simply can’t have for whatever reason.

But I am starting to think that maybe That One is preparing me for The One. Because That One showed me what I do and don’t want in a relationship. Something that I rarely even considered before.

And now when The One comes I’ll be ready because That One already showed me what it is to play, love, and to lose.

I’ve grown enough to not need That One anymore.

But I haven’t grown enough to be ready to meet The One…
I have to put the pieces of my heart back together first.

The Princess and the Frog...

...Is set in Louisiana during the Jazz Age. So that should be an exciting backdrop.

Disney First Black Princess is a Mahogany Berry. I am so excited that two of our firsts Miss Tiana and Mrs. Obama are dark skin women. I hope this will give brown skin girls more confidence in themselves and show the world that they too are beautiful.

Tiana comes a little late. Seeing that Jasmine was created in 1992, Pocahontas in 1995, and Mulan in 1998. But I think that Disney has put a lot of effort into getting this right. And if they had of attempted this in the 90's they would have gotten it all wrong.

There has been some controversy because the Prince is not Black. Of course, the outrage has been among Black males. The fact that the Prince is not Black does not bother me. It also doesn't faze me that others might be upset.

When people write Michael Jordan, Seal, Quincy Jones, and Sidney Poitier about their relationships then maybe I will be concerned. Until then...

My Ex is a...

Hater! And I told him so. We were together for six years. Six long years. And in that time he never asked me my opinion on anything important. He made decisions that included both of us, and somehow managed to not include me in the decision process. He is poor with money. Really poor. He is deep in debt.

And that is my fault, according to him.

We broke up because I wanted to finish pursing my education. He was shocked. We met at school. So I was confused. He never thought I would finish... he never thought I would finish...
When we broke up, he thought that somehow I would fall apart. That I couldn't make it in this big bad world.

But somehow, I did.

I finished my Bachelors. And am working to eliminate my debt. When I told him this he went crazy. I plan to work all summer, at four different places to get rid of my debt. I plan to sacrifice, but still get sleep of course. Because now is the time to work with people and pay off things. This economy is perfect for it.

HE WENT CRAZY. At first I was shocked. We are friends... aren't we? Why then is he screaming at me? Then I realized it is because he is not happy for me. I can't possibly do better than him in any sphere of my life. He won't hear of it. Because I am not suppose to be better than him at anything.

In his yells, I feel anger. I told him to man up. To fix his own problems because I would no longer allow him to constantly place the blame for the problems in his life on me. It wasn't fair. It isn't fair. I have problems too. He was there when those problems were created. But I don't expect him to fix them. I don't expect anything from him.

In his yells, I want to be better, do better. I want to come out on top. I want to accomplish everything I set out to accomplish. I want to get everything he tried to prevent me from having. And deep down, I know I will. I will.

And when I do, I will smile a deep satisfied smile. Because I overcame myself, to overcome his expectations. Yes, my ex is a hater.

Loving Yourself Unconditionally

Lately I've been thinking about the way I treat myself... a lot.

I expect myself to be perfect. I put so much pressure on myself by stacking up impossible goals to be completed in a ridiculous amount of time. So, I fail. Then I feel horrible about myself. This will be an ongoing post, because there is so much to say about this area.

I've been thinking about my health and how my standards affect my life...


How to Give Unconditional Self-Love

1. Understand that you were given direct control over your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Therefore, you are the only one responsible for your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. No one else is responsible for you and you are not responsible for anyone else.

2. Start treating yourself well right now.

Loving yourself unconditionally means:

* Making your health and happiness a top priority. This means, getting the proper amount of rest. Eating properly: not over exercising and under-eating. Not overeating and under-exercising.

* Loving yourself means taking care of each part of yourself. Including the parts that you don't necessarily care for. Stretch marks, cellulite, and all.

* You have to love the dysfunctional part of yourself by having a better understanding of your limits and failings.

* It means managing your time and resources well. Your resources should reflect the relative importance of each part of yourself or each life area.

* You should create balance in your time and your life so that you can take good care of your body and main interest and needs.

* Spend time and money on activities wisely. Ask...
- How much happiness will I and others get per dollar or per hour spent?

Again this is to be an ongoing post. I plan to write more about self-worth later.

What the HELL!

A long time ago I liked a guy. It seemed that he liked me as well, but was too afraid to make a move. He wanted me to tell him that I liked him. He and his friend asked me many times but I was too shy to give a yes or a no. I felt that he should say how he felt first. Neither one of us made a move, well not sober anyways. And soon I forgot about him. Not literally; we were still friends, but I forgot all about he and I in a relationship. Fast forward about three years and he has a girl friend. I am happy for him, mainly because in all the times that I have known him, he has never been in a relationship.

But suddenly, this man, that could not tell me he liked me before, is very flirty! He wants to see me, sends me poems, and talks about the time when we 'almost hooked up!' What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to see this? I try to ignore him and 'keep it moving' so to speak.

But I can't deny the mental attraction that I have to him. And we are still friends. And I kind of like the flirting... LOL! However, I can't help but to feel like he is playing with me. And the more I resist, the more he tries.

What the hell! What is a girl to do?

Phenomenal Women

A life moment that I am priveledged to have experienced is when I heard Maya Angelou speak at my college. She was so inspirational because she basically came from nothing and created something for herself. She sees the beauty in herself and in others and spreads this concept of self love through her writing. So I decided to post a poem we most likely all know, but sometimes forget to include ourselves in.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.


I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Lets never forget how phenomenal we all are.

Can We Catch Our Men...Update

Apparently, the answer is a resounding NO! The sad part is that at first both techniques seemed to be working. The more I paid my guy no attention the more he found ways to talk to me. My friend sent emails, continued to stop by her guys office for friendly "chats," and flirted whenever she found the opportunity. He seemed friendly enough. He even gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek, major headway she figured.

Then my guy just stopped talking completely, and her guy failed to take anything to the next level. It was his last day at the office and she figured he would bring something up. I figured if he really liked her he would ask for her number, and I told her so. But, alas, she had already made sure that he had it! Argh! Okay, I thought to myself, then at least he would suggest that maybe they get together sometime. Nope.

I basically gave up hope in my guy, as our chats occurred less and less. She, however, kept the faith, only to lose it later, when he never even suggested that they hang out as friends.

So, no, we couldn't catch our men, but do we care? HELL NO! It is simply a matter of moving on to the next man. NEXT!

Kelly Rowland...

...is a mahogany berry. She has had her career ups and downs, but she has continually spoken out against the colorism that is prevalent in the entertainment industry. She has said that magazines have refused to put her on their covers because women that are her shade simply do not sell magazines. They have said that buyers do not find her relatable. Because darker skinned women do not buy magazines, right?

Of course, we all know that this is the same lame excuse that they have used for DECADES to keep the beauty standard the same. If we want to see women who look like us then we have to demand it. We have to demand to see it in film, television, and magazines. How? There are many avenues. But we have to decide on an action plan and ACT!

What I find interesting is that Kelly has reportedly found major success in the UK, while she still struggles to find popularity in the U.S. Some say that it is because her music is lack luster. While this may be true, there are many "artists" out there who create bad music AND their music still sells millions. Clearly, Kelly's struggles have more to them than just bad music. It has to do with a lack of management and also, I feel, a lack of other pop stars that look like her. If you think about it, where are all of the brown skinned pop stars? If you try to do pop you are put into a corner and expected to do "black music." But if you do, this music will only make you seem average because you are black and have done what is expected. It is a catch 22.

However, if you are white and do average black music, then you are considered edgy. Is Fergie truly edgy or is she just white. I think she has a good voice, but there is very little that is interesting about her. If she was black, I think she would still be just another face in the crowd.

All of our Black female superstars, I mean the ones that are leading the pack, are a lighter complexion. Sure, the U.K. will accept anything as music and love it. But the U.K. also doesn't have the colorist issues that the U.S. has. Hopefully, with the new management Kelly has she will be able to make her mark in the U.S. And become a classy representation of dark skinned women. Think of it like this, our daughters need someone to look up to. Someone they consider attractive, someone who looks like them.

Kelly Rowland...con't

What I Think Men Like

First I would like to ask for forgiveness, I still struggle with the formatting of this blog so bear with me please. In my last post I wrote that four men had asked me out during that week. This was certainly more than had been calling in the previous weeks. I would say that before I had been averaging about one man every two weeks. What made the difference?

That particular week I was wearing a skirt and high heels. It was amazing! It almost didn't even matter how my hair looked, or that I was wearing no makeup. The men came calling! And even though only four guys asked me out, I notice that I was receiving attention from all types of men, not just Black men either. I think it is because most women do not wear dresses or skirts as much as they used to. I think that men secretly, and not so secretly, long for the days when a man was a man and a woman was a woman.

Of course, we ladies know that those days are long gone and that we will continue to enjoy the equalities we have. We Black women also know that our history has always been to work outside the home, so most never had any of those at home privileges that other women enjoyed.

My point is that wearing a skirt reminds a man that you are a woman. It is one of the few things that is strictly a woman's domain, unless of course he is Scottish or a cross-dresser…the same thing goes for heels.

I think the key is in looking lady-like and almost a bit understated, like sexy without meaning to be. That seems to get men every time because then they feel like it is something that they (only) are picking up on. It helps if you look happy (read light-hearted) and innocent.

I don't know what it is about men, but they always seem to go for the innocent look. We have all had trials and tribulations, but we do not have to wear them on our face! So, try it! Look happy, open, and satisfied with your life! Grab some sexy but classy heels, an elegant skirt, some stockings, and get out there! I'm sure it will make a difference than if you were just wearing jeans.

Oh, and it is hard to look sexy if you are in pain. So, go for the sexiest but classiest heels that you can find that also happen to be COMFORTABLE.

If you can not find comfy heels, then bring flats, wear them at your desk or around your office, then if you are at a place where a large amount of people are sure to see you, wear your heels.

How to Catch Your Man?

First, it has been a while since I have seriously posted anything here. No, I am not lazy :)...I have been very busy. I am getting ready to direct a short film and all of my attention has been there. So, I apologize for my absence. But in the time that I have been gone several things have happened involving men. Two weeks ago I was asked out by four different men! This is exciting, or I shall say WAS exciting, because since then these men have become very uninteresting.


While this is happening a friend of mine had become interested in a man at her job and I had become interested in a man that I met while running errands. Neither man had asked either one of us out. But both had initiated some sort of contact of interest.


But when it comes down to getting to know these men better, my friend and I have different perspectives on how to catch a man. I believe in ignoring a man. By this I mean letting them initiate all or most of the contact. Then you can flirt and charm them with your feminine wiles. But only once they have started some sort of conversation. This is what has worked for me. Of course, there are rules to this kind of thinking.


First, you HAVE to look YOUR BEST. I don't mean what you think is good. I mean looking your, honest with yourself, no excuses, a man would agree with you, best. I don't mean looking trashy. By doing this you will attract a man, but for all of the wrong reasons, and I am sure most of you know this. My friend, however, believes in actively flirting with a man. She believes in finding reasons to go and talk to him. She also finds topics to bring to his attention, smiling, and laughing at his jokes. I don't mind the smiling and laughing, but to me the rest is just too much work! Shouldn't a man be trying to figure out reasons to come and talk to you?


Sometimes I feel like there are not many men out there who are willing to put in the work that is necessary to woo a woman. However, I still expect to be treated like a lady. So many of our men want us, but don't feel like they should have to put in the work to get us. Do not let this detour you! Look your best, non-verbally demand respect, and I believe decent men from all backgrounds will come to treat you with love and respect.

Most women give themselves excuses about why they do not look their best. Lack of money is no excuse. The lack of money reason simply means lack of creativity. Hit up thrift stores; learn to do your own hair, trade clothes with friends.
Once you are honest with yourself, by this I mean looking at yourself objectively, as if someone else was looking at you, then you can move forward and begin to actively look your best. After that, ignore the men. Not in an angry way, but in a happy, busy, fulfilled way.


To be honest I have a hard time looking happy because I am usually to busy ignoring, but practice will make perfect for me. Be happy! And I think the men will come to you. But what do you think? Should a woman actively flirt with a man, whom I take as actively pursing, or should she kick back and let him come to her? I tried the actively flirting thing recently, and FOR ME, it did not work. I am going back to my old ways. They have worked for me in the past. I will be updating this story with my friend and I. Let's see if we can catch our men.

For the Time Being...

Babies Out of Wedlock

One day when a cousin and I were sitting around talking and laughing about old times she suddenly became very quiet and turned to me seriously with tears in her eyes.

She began to talk about the father of her oldest son. She told me she was disappointed in him and couldn’t believe that someone who once always wanted to be with her and told her that he loved would now ignore their child and leave her to constantly explain to their son why he could not be around. This, of course, is something that she herself didn’t know and if she doesn’t know why her son’s dad doesn’t want to be around how is she supposed explain it to a six year old who only wants to see his daddy. She just could not understand how someone she had spent so many passionate years with could just leave her without providing emotional, financial, or physical support for their son.

Unfortunately, this is a situation many Black women find themselves in.

Over the years I have had many conversations with Black women about this and most of them said the same things or something very similar; "Men nowadays don't want to get married," and "It doesn't matter because I love my children and take care of them."

But who will take care of you? When women are married they (usually) receive emotional and financial support from their husbands and are able to provide the same in return.

I believe that many uneducated and sometimes educated Black women feel like no one wants to marry them. It becomes a lack of confidence thing and they accept whatever morsels someone is willing to give them.

I have met many men that are proud of their children. And not so proud of the women they had them with. These men are willing to be proud of the children but not as willing to be an equal source of financial and emotional support for them, leaving it all up to the woman.

Not to long ago I was reading an article about 50 Cent and his baby mama in court. She was suing him for half of what he was worth because she says that while she was pregnant he promised her that he would support her for life. Keep in mind this is while he was living off of her and they were both struggling. 50 Cent reportedly told the judge that he never told her any of this and that she was not entitled to half of anything because she was not his wife. He said that if he wanted to care for her for life then he would have married her and since he did not this was never his intention. Needless to say, 50’s baby’s mama did not win the case. But his words struck me.

How many women feel like they are in love and because of this mutual love they don’t need the benefit of marriage? Don’t be fooled ladies! You are willing to accept less than what you deserve because you are in love. But he is not ready to commit. A man who is not ready to commit is mostly likely also not going to be ready to handle the responsibilities of a child. This won’t change just because you have one. The more children you have the harder it is to find someone to marry. I did not say impossible, just harder.

But why do that to yourself anyway? Why open your body and heart to a man who is not even willing to make a solid commitment? Sure some men marry the women they have children with, but most don’t. Why take that chance? You and your future children deserve someone who knows where they want to be. You deserve someone who loves you so much that the thought of another man sweeping you away makes him sick to his stomach. He would do almost anything to have you by his side and wants to join you for life. He wants to marry you. And then love and support the children you have TOGETHER.

What it is like...

...to be a dark skin girl...

Is to be undervalued and continually used,

For advice
For love
For guidance
For support

As a darker skinned woman I am constantly the giver of advice and the giver of support.

I am rarely the receiver of compliments, especially from the Black Community. Almost every compliment I have ever received has been from a person from a different country or from a different race.

While it is true I am not one to dress up, when I do, I get attention. The problem here is that I am not recognized for the natural way I look. I know that if I was of a lighter complexion or a different race this would not be the case. Unfortunately, this is true for all Black women. When I am natural, the compliments I get are NEVER from any Black person.

While I do receive support, I am often expected to be a STRONG BLACK WOMEN; I am expected to take care of everything and everyone and not expect a thing in return.
I am not expected to be a person of confidence. I have had several instances, a few recently, in which a person (usually Black) has expected me to feel bad about myself. This is not the case.

At one point in my life I was not completely confident, but it was a friend (white woman) who constantly complimented me until I felt utter confidence in myself. I will always be grateful to her for this.

Sometimes as a dark skinned woman it feels as if I am hated by my own community. But that is okay. Because 2009 is all about us. :) Love yourself. To do this you need to make decisions that uplift you and the people around you. You need to exclude the things or people around you that make you feel lesser than you should.

Grab the world, take your dreams, and get out there to make them true.

Why The Blacker the Berry is Needed

This is a Blog that is NEEDED! Dark skinned Black women are beautiful. We all know this but sometimes need to be reminded. I will not dis lighter skinned women, but the beauty of a brown skinned mahogany sister is always underrated. THAT WILL END HERE! So come enjoy and embrace the beauty of THE BLACKER THE BERRY.

Dark skinned women come here and inhale the classy, tasteful, appreciation of your beauty. If there is anything you want to see let me know. This blog is here to uplift, represent, and talk about black women and relationships.

Michelle Obama of course, the embodiment of elegance, class, and grace under presure.