Loving Yourself Unconditionally

Lately I've been thinking about the way I treat myself... a lot.

I expect myself to be perfect. I put so much pressure on myself by stacking up impossible goals to be completed in a ridiculous amount of time. So, I fail. Then I feel horrible about myself. This will be an ongoing post, because there is so much to say about this area.

I've been thinking about my health and how my standards affect my life...


How to Give Unconditional Self-Love

1. Understand that you were given direct control over your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Therefore, you are the only one responsible for your own thoughts, emotions, and actions. No one else is responsible for you and you are not responsible for anyone else.

2. Start treating yourself well right now.

Loving yourself unconditionally means:

* Making your health and happiness a top priority. This means, getting the proper amount of rest. Eating properly: not over exercising and under-eating. Not overeating and under-exercising.

* Loving yourself means taking care of each part of yourself. Including the parts that you don't necessarily care for. Stretch marks, cellulite, and all.

* You have to love the dysfunctional part of yourself by having a better understanding of your limits and failings.

* It means managing your time and resources well. Your resources should reflect the relative importance of each part of yourself or each life area.

* You should create balance in your time and your life so that you can take good care of your body and main interest and needs.

* Spend time and money on activities wisely. Ask...
- How much happiness will I and others get per dollar or per hour spent?

Again this is to be an ongoing post. I plan to write more about self-worth later.

What the HELL!

A long time ago I liked a guy. It seemed that he liked me as well, but was too afraid to make a move. He wanted me to tell him that I liked him. He and his friend asked me many times but I was too shy to give a yes or a no. I felt that he should say how he felt first. Neither one of us made a move, well not sober anyways. And soon I forgot about him. Not literally; we were still friends, but I forgot all about he and I in a relationship. Fast forward about three years and he has a girl friend. I am happy for him, mainly because in all the times that I have known him, he has never been in a relationship.

But suddenly, this man, that could not tell me he liked me before, is very flirty! He wants to see me, sends me poems, and talks about the time when we 'almost hooked up!' What am I supposed to think? How am I supposed to see this? I try to ignore him and 'keep it moving' so to speak.

But I can't deny the mental attraction that I have to him. And we are still friends. And I kind of like the flirting... LOL! However, I can't help but to feel like he is playing with me. And the more I resist, the more he tries.

What the hell! What is a girl to do?

Phenomenal Women

A life moment that I am priveledged to have experienced is when I heard Maya Angelou speak at my college. She was so inspirational because she basically came from nothing and created something for herself. She sees the beauty in herself and in others and spreads this concept of self love through her writing. So I decided to post a poem we most likely all know, but sometimes forget to include ourselves in.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.

I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size

But when I start to tell them,

They think I'm telling lies.I say,

It's in the reach of my arms

The span of my hips,

The stride of my step,

The curl of my lips.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

I walk into a room

Just as cool as you please,

And to a man,

The fellows stand or

Fall down on their knees.

Then they swarm around me,

A hive of honey bees.

I say,

It's the fire in my eyes,

And the flash of my teeth,

The swing in my waist,

And the joy in my feet.

I'm a womanPhenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Men themselves have wondered

What they see in me.

They try so much

But they can't touch

My inner mystery.

When I try to show them

They say they still can't see.

I say,

It's in the arch of my back,

The sun of my smile,

The ride of my breasts,

The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Now you understand

Just why my head's not bowed.

I don't shout or jump about

Or have to talk real loud.

When you see me passing

It ought to make you proud.


I say,

It's in the click of my heels,

The bend of my hair,

the palm of my hand,

The need of my care,

'Cause I'm a woman

Phenomenally.

Phenomenal woman,

That's me.

Lets never forget how phenomenal we all are.

Can We Catch Our Men...Update

Apparently, the answer is a resounding NO! The sad part is that at first both techniques seemed to be working. The more I paid my guy no attention the more he found ways to talk to me. My friend sent emails, continued to stop by her guys office for friendly "chats," and flirted whenever she found the opportunity. He seemed friendly enough. He even gave her a hug and a peck on the cheek, major headway she figured.

Then my guy just stopped talking completely, and her guy failed to take anything to the next level. It was his last day at the office and she figured he would bring something up. I figured if he really liked her he would ask for her number, and I told her so. But, alas, she had already made sure that he had it! Argh! Okay, I thought to myself, then at least he would suggest that maybe they get together sometime. Nope.

I basically gave up hope in my guy, as our chats occurred less and less. She, however, kept the faith, only to lose it later, when he never even suggested that they hang out as friends.

So, no, we couldn't catch our men, but do we care? HELL NO! It is simply a matter of moving on to the next man. NEXT!

Kelly Rowland...

...is a mahogany berry. She has had her career ups and downs, but she has continually spoken out against the colorism that is prevalent in the entertainment industry. She has said that magazines have refused to put her on their covers because women that are her shade simply do not sell magazines. They have said that buyers do not find her relatable. Because darker skinned women do not buy magazines, right?

Of course, we all know that this is the same lame excuse that they have used for DECADES to keep the beauty standard the same. If we want to see women who look like us then we have to demand it. We have to demand to see it in film, television, and magazines. How? There are many avenues. But we have to decide on an action plan and ACT!

What I find interesting is that Kelly has reportedly found major success in the UK, while she still struggles to find popularity in the U.S. Some say that it is because her music is lack luster. While this may be true, there are many "artists" out there who create bad music AND their music still sells millions. Clearly, Kelly's struggles have more to them than just bad music. It has to do with a lack of management and also, I feel, a lack of other pop stars that look like her. If you think about it, where are all of the brown skinned pop stars? If you try to do pop you are put into a corner and expected to do "black music." But if you do, this music will only make you seem average because you are black and have done what is expected. It is a catch 22.

However, if you are white and do average black music, then you are considered edgy. Is Fergie truly edgy or is she just white. I think she has a good voice, but there is very little that is interesting about her. If she was black, I think she would still be just another face in the crowd.

All of our Black female superstars, I mean the ones that are leading the pack, are a lighter complexion. Sure, the U.K. will accept anything as music and love it. But the U.K. also doesn't have the colorist issues that the U.S. has. Hopefully, with the new management Kelly has she will be able to make her mark in the U.S. And become a classy representation of dark skinned women. Think of it like this, our daughters need someone to look up to. Someone they consider attractive, someone who looks like them.

Kelly Rowland...con't

What I Think Men Like

First I would like to ask for forgiveness, I still struggle with the formatting of this blog so bear with me please. In my last post I wrote that four men had asked me out during that week. This was certainly more than had been calling in the previous weeks. I would say that before I had been averaging about one man every two weeks. What made the difference?

That particular week I was wearing a skirt and high heels. It was amazing! It almost didn't even matter how my hair looked, or that I was wearing no makeup. The men came calling! And even though only four guys asked me out, I notice that I was receiving attention from all types of men, not just Black men either. I think it is because most women do not wear dresses or skirts as much as they used to. I think that men secretly, and not so secretly, long for the days when a man was a man and a woman was a woman.

Of course, we ladies know that those days are long gone and that we will continue to enjoy the equalities we have. We Black women also know that our history has always been to work outside the home, so most never had any of those at home privileges that other women enjoyed.

My point is that wearing a skirt reminds a man that you are a woman. It is one of the few things that is strictly a woman's domain, unless of course he is Scottish or a cross-dresser…the same thing goes for heels.

I think the key is in looking lady-like and almost a bit understated, like sexy without meaning to be. That seems to get men every time because then they feel like it is something that they (only) are picking up on. It helps if you look happy (read light-hearted) and innocent.

I don't know what it is about men, but they always seem to go for the innocent look. We have all had trials and tribulations, but we do not have to wear them on our face! So, try it! Look happy, open, and satisfied with your life! Grab some sexy but classy heels, an elegant skirt, some stockings, and get out there! I'm sure it will make a difference than if you were just wearing jeans.

Oh, and it is hard to look sexy if you are in pain. So, go for the sexiest but classiest heels that you can find that also happen to be COMFORTABLE.

If you can not find comfy heels, then bring flats, wear them at your desk or around your office, then if you are at a place where a large amount of people are sure to see you, wear your heels.